TURKEY: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries
        has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

                                    -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

                            STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

             Number of turkeys eaten at Thanksgiving this year: x
             Number of turkeys elected to Congress: 535

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

I think O.J. protests too much.  Not only did he say he didn't carve the
holiday turkey, but he was in the back yard practicing his golf swing the
whole time.
                                                       -- David Letterman

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